Lose Myself In You
by NeoVenus22
Summary: Bobby has loved Rogue since the minute he first lay eyes on her, despite everything. Spoilers for the X3 trailer. BobbyRogue primarily. [complete]


Disclaimer: X-Men belongs to Marvel, not me. Spoilers for the X3 trailer.

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Rogue's hand (Rogue's glove) is on the back of his neck. Tracing up and down what she can find of his spine between his hairline and the neck of his t-shirt. Her touch is decidedly loving, unfortunately seductive, and unusually chilly. Perhaps it's the silky material that makes her fingers seem almost inhuman, and now he feels guilty for thinking of Rogue as anything less than the wonderful and beautiful girlfriend that he adores.

He has loved Rogue since the minute he first lay eyes on her. He has loved her despite her powers and the obvious roadblocks they put in their relationship. He loved her when she was a shy waif with traces of a fading accent. He loved her when she grew into herself, when she became tall and proud and strong. He loved her still when she walked with her newfound confidence, her straight back and leisurely pace, and used it to threw her arms around Logan's neck with a measure of affection she'd been yet to show Bobby.

The first time that his lips had ever touched Rogue's was one of the happiest moments of his life.

The second time that his lips had ever touched Rogue's, they'd held together for so long that he'd seen an explosive flash of white. It had hurt worse than anything he'd ever experienced, and while he hadn't been lying when he said he wasn't scared before, he was justifiably scared after that.

But then he'd had to face coming out to his parents, and nearly getting arrested, and nearly getting blown up, and suddenly, experiencing a little pain when he kissed his girlfriend didn't seem like much in comparison.

And then came Alkali. He tries not to think about it (none of them do), but when he does, he remembers the way his legs twitched pitifully of their own accord, like a dog being put to sleep. He remembers the way that every nerve in his body felt like it had been set on fire (bad example). And he remembers the way he focused all of his energy on gripping Rogue's hand like it was the last thing tying him to this earth and this life. Because it was. And because crushing her fingers in his, and having her crush back, he knew that he was never going to leave her, and that he never wanted her to leave him.

Just like it had been since the beginning, it's always him that initiates the kiss. She resists, she flirts and pulls away, and she says that she doesn't want to hurt him. Bobby insists time and time again that it doesn't hurt. And it doesn't, not really. Not anymore. Once upon a time, he'd been mocked for holding back and being cautious, but he's the only person at the Institute who isn't afraid of what Rogue can do, even after she's done it to him. Bobby knows the taste of her tongue, and he knows the taste of oblivion.

He wakes up in the med bay more times than he should. He ignores the Professor's first warning, and after that, Xavier doesn't give him any. Neither does Scott, who looks at him almost like he understands. Rogue sits by him as he wakes up, holds his hand, and they never mention it.

He knows she thinks about Logan sometimes. Which he eventually decides is fine, because he also knows that _she_ knows that on occasion, he's wondered about John.

She's since returned his grandmother's gloves to him, because the X-Men got her a new pair when she joined. The new ones are much safer, she claims. Bobby knows deep down that she doesn't want to remember Alkali any more than he does. But he can't box up the gloves and return them to his parents in Boston like he did with the rest of the clothes he'd borrowed. Instead, he keeps them in the drawer next to his bed and when he can't sleep he takes them out and wraps them around his hands, pulls them taut, knots them up. It doesn't help as much as he'd like, but nothing really does.

It's the Official X-Men Leather that's tracing the hairs on his neck, making them stand at attention. He's trying to focus on Scott's boring and half-hearted lecture, but the lighting of the room makes Rogue's white strands seem whiter than ever, and she looks so much older now, so much more mature and beautiful, and he remembers the expressions on his family's faces when he introduced her as his girlfriend. Mom was pleased, Dad was impressed, and Ronnie was jealous. Even if everything else went wrong, he still has that, their unspoken approval. It's almost normal.

Things are as normal now at the Institute as they might ever get. New mutants keep coming in, and the halls are flooded with so much life that everyone seems to forget two of their number are missing forever. But the walls remember, and Bobby sure as hell remembers, and the way Scott's jaw is set indicates that he does as well. Bobby suspects that at night, Scott mourns just like Bobby does. During the day, though, they are both quiet and stoic, but they are okay, or at least passing for it.

He's thinking about borrowing one of the Institute cars so they can go for a drive. Rogue says they need to have their encounters less, since now that Jean's gone, the level of medical knowledge has gone down considerably. But she shouldn't talk if she's going to continue to draw patterns on him like she is.

Her finger zig-zags lazily, and it feels like a W. Bobby's eyes flash across the room and locate Kitty. She's sandwiched between Piotr and Jubilee, but she's watching him and looks like she has been for awhile. Their eyes meet longer than they should, but Rogue's letters are all coarse and angled, not looping like the ones in her name or his. He detects a V and he knows that later Kitty's hand will brush his, and they will touch for longer than is safe. ('Safe' with Kitty holds a much different meaning than it does with Rogue, but it doesn't make their encounters any less dangerous than they are.)

The final E is spelled out just as Scott ends class, and Rogue clamps Bobby's hand. He smiles down at her with genuine affection, having already decided on the Corvette because Rogue doesn't know how to drive stick and he doesn't want her to be stuck in the middle of nowhere, waiting for him to wake up. He pretends to not feel Kitty's eyes on his back as he leaves, pretends not to feel the traces of Logan's codename on his skin, pretends to not still have remnants of John in his thoughts, even after all this time. Rogue's glove warms in his hand, and when she grins at him, he knows that it's a different grin from the one she shares with everyone else, even if just a little bit, and he finds himself falling for her all over again. It's his mantra when he's around Rogue. Forget everything else, at least for now.


End file.
